What Ben Taught Me

As I reflect on the past two years that Ben and I spent together, I realize that he has taught me way more than just how to be a better rider, but how to be a better person overall. Here is a list of things I wrote down the night after Ben passed away. I couldn't sleep very well that night so in tears I started writing down all of the things I've learned from him. It's amazing to me how strong the horse - human connection is and how much we can really learn from their quiet souls if we allow ourselves to mold with them.

-Trust

-Companionship

-Patience

-Love

-Loyalty

-Responsibility

-That I can't just do it all

-To be giving and light with my hands

-To not get in a fight but find other solutions to the problem

-To budget and be responsible with my money. Plan ahead!

-Body awareness

-To adjust my own position and balance first and then get the horse to follow under me

-Training takes time

-Creating harmony

-To have a set plan or expectations each time I ride and not just correct mistakes

-That every horse has hidden potential and once the horse trusts you they will be able to show it to you

-To overcome your fears and not let them interfere with your riding

-That horses are sensitive souls and can read your emotions

-That Ben would never harm anyone or anything

-How protective horses can be of their owners, remembering the one time I fell off of him in the woods and he could have easily galloped all the way home but instead stopped in his tracks and stood by me until I was able to stand up and mount him again and ride him home despite my pain.

-How dependent horses are on people and on each other for companionship and love. All he really wanted before I bought him was a friend and someone to create a relationship of trust with.

-How I will never own just one horse because they are too lonely by themselves. Every time I road him to Barnabee Jena would stand at the bottom of the field bidding him goodbye and would faithfully be there again waiting for his return. They would nicker to each other from the road and sniff noses once they were close enough again at the fence. Whenever Jena would hear us walking up she'd come running down to the bottom gate to greet us.

-How a horse can be dull to road noise but supper sensitive to something out of the ordinary like a plastic bag on the side of the road, or something that had been slightly moved or misplaced.

-How aware horses are to their surrounding and they don't like sudden change. Routine is best!

-That balancing riding and taking care of young children is super hard without the help of family and friends

-That every mom needs an out: an activity that they truly enjoy in which they can find themselves and focus on their own needs and no one else's for a few hours. Me time!

Thank you Ben for teaching me these important lessons and I hope that I'll be able to validate your life each day by demonstrating how I've grown in each of these areas for having spent the past two years of our lives together.

The Horse's Whisper

The following is an account written by Timm Tripp of his experience on the day that Ben passed away. I wanted to include it here on my blog so I'll always have a copy of it and to be able to share these special words with all of you as well. Thank you Timm for preserving this experience so beautifully for me since I wasn't able to be there to experience it firsthand myself.

The Horse's Whisper

The moon was almost full last night. The light penetrated the tall Hemlock and Cedar trees surrounding the corral. If you looked out into the corral you could see patches of light illuminating the dusty ground. The day had been warm, but the marine air cooled the night. It was calm and quiet; a gentle breeze swayed the high branches on the trees. The horses quietly wandered between the patches of moonlight.

When I came upon Ben, Tom and Tyler had already been trying to get him on his feet. Ben was lying on his side, his nostrils had blood in them, his breathing was irregular and very labored. His mouth was open, his upper lip was pulled back exposing his teeth. He was hot and sweaty. Tyler stroked his neck and spoke words of encouragement, while Tom massaged his back and sides, pleading with Ben to be well.

Ben's legs had cuts on them. He made several attempts to get up, but he was too weak and could not get his back legs to move.

I stared into Ben's eye... it was bright and shiny, like a big polished black marble. His eye glistened and sparkled, there was an intense light emanating from deep inside the dark orb. Some say that the eye is the window to the soul. If that is true, I looked deep into Ben's soul and he into mine. For a brief moment I felt connected to Ben as he seemed to open up to accepting his fate. He stopped struggling and seemed to relax. He became still and his nostrils no longer pulsed with labored breathing. I could no longer detect any breath of air. His pulse slowed way down until we could not feel it at all. The spark of light in his eye dimmed and the polished surface dulled somewhat , like fog on glass. Suddenly a giant tear drop fell from his eye, flowing down along his nose and to the dusty ground, where is formed a small puddle.

The tear appeared to flow a the same time as his last breath gently left him, there was a sense of release at the moment Ben's spirit moved from his physical body to the unrestrained realm of space. Ben bared his soul to me...a stranger... the dignity, the courage, the loyalty, the beauty, the strength, the magnificence of this incredible being was released back into the world with his last tear and final breath. I did not feel Ben leaving...I felt him releasing his spirit... allowing it to flow out into the world, no longer bound by his physical nature... rather released to merge into light, life.

Ben's spirit soars through the tree tops joining the sun and moon and stars illuminating the day and night. Even his tear touched the earth, to nourish a seed that begins a new life cycle.

Thank you Ben for all that you have given us: Strength, courage, compassion, patience, love and light. Where ever we go when you feel a gentle breeze on your face, it just may be Ben whispering...

Good-Bye Ben!

I'm still in shock over this and every time I think about it or look at this photo I start crying all over again. My horse Ben died unexpectedly of colic on Sunday and I'm not really ready yet to post all the details of that day yet. But when I do I have a lots of memories and things he's taught me in the past two years that I'd like to share. He meant a lot to me and I am going to miss him so much!