Ensign Ranch

Today I was able to go on a trail ride and it was heavenly! Even though we just walked in a single file line the whole time, it felt so good to be in the saddle again. We spent the day over in Cle Elum at Ensign Ranch and it was great to be around the horses. The horse I rode was named Angel and he was perfect. I could have done without the western saddle and all the dust being kicked up from the horses in front of me, but I wasn't going to complain since I was actually riding a horse again. I can't believe it's been a year since Ben passed away and how much my life has changed since then. Having a baby sure puts things on hold! I sure hope that I'll be able to ride a little more consistently now, even if it's just trail-riding. I sure miss how relaxing it is and having some "Me Time."

Jeff took these photos of me after we got back from our ride since we weren't allowed to bring camera on the trail ride with us.

Angel was a nice and hefty Quarter Horse. He felt so much bigger than Ben, but maybe it's just because it's been so long since I've ridden. I sure hope I'm not too sore tomorrow!

He was such a good boy I made sure to give him lots of pats and loves afterwards. Can you tell I miss riding??? Just a little bit??? Ahhh, hopefully I'll be back at it again soon!!!

We Sure Love Our Ponies!

Today we went over to visit the ponies. The boys had a great time riding Jena. She sure is a special little pony and we love her so much. I'm always so pleased with how tolerant she is of the boys despite their exuberance and our inconsistency in riding and spending time with her.

I can't believe how much the boys are growing up and it really puts things into perspective when they stand next to Jena who has reached her maximum height years ago. Hyrum loves Jena so much and is sad that he is outgrowing her. He did a great job handling her as he led Jonah around. She is actually better behaved when the boys work with her than when I do. I think it's because they are more her size and she doesn't feel as intimidated.

Hyrum will have to start riding Cisco soon. I feel bad that we haven't spent much time with him in the past year besides brushing him. He could use the exercise since according to the vet he's an 8/9 for body condition. Maybe we should start calling him Mr. Chubs! To me he doesn't look that fat, just out of shape. Last month I tried to put my dressage saddle on him in hopes that I might be able to take him on a little trail ride, but he freaked out and wanted nothing to do with it. He likes being ridden bareback, but I'm not sure I'm up for that quite yet. So I'll have to think more about what to try next. Here's hoping I'll be able to ride him at least once before the summer is over.

Too bad I couldn't get him to prick his ears forward in this photo. At least the rest of him looks good!

It's Shedding Season!!

You can definitely tell it's Spring when the ponies start loosing gobs and gobs of hair. Just petting them you get a fist full. So today while we were over on Bainbridge for Mariko's 1st Birthday I made it a priority to go down and help the ponies in their shedding process. They both stood so well for me as I rubbed them all over with the curry comb. I wish I lived closer so I could brush them daily or at least a couple of times a week. But maybe I'll be able to make it over to visit them at least weekly until Spring ends since their coats could really use the help. Here they are after I got most of the loose hair off of them. Too bad I didn't take a before shot to compare, but really it was so embarrassing on my part since it's been forever since I brushed them last. I'm such a bad pony mommy! But I guess since I'm a mommy now to three little boys the ponies will just have to take what they can get.

Cisco loved his rub down and was even glowing afterwards!

Jena still has more teddy bear fuzz to loose and it kind of makes her look two toned until it all sheds out.

And the pile of hair that came off from the two ponies, minus all that floated away in the breeze and all that was stuck to my clothes. Seriously, there was horse hair everywhere!! It's a good thing I'm not allergic!!

Balancing Act

Tonight I was in tears as I found myself stuck at a crossroads. In one arm I was holding a stack of equestrian books and in the other I was carrying my almost 4 week old baby.

I dedicatedly rode my horse until I was 5 months pregnant with every hope to continue riding after my baby was born and my body was recovered. But unfortunately Ben coliced and died unexpectedly right when I was about to put my riding career on hold. Having him taken away from me so suddenly really made me upset and wonder for what reason this was all occurring. It took me a long time to come to terms with his death and I think what really got me through it all was the fact that I had no choice but to give up riding for the time being since I was 5 months pregnant and it was just getting too risky and uncomfortable.

But tonight as I held my sweet baby in my arms and the pile of books in the other I knew there was no way I could handle both at the same time. No matter how hard I tried one was going to slip out of my hands. Knowing I could never drop my baby and that his life is more important, I was forced to let all my books topple to the floor and as I did so it brought tears to my eyes. It was like I was closing a door on something that I have loved to do for so long and was now being forced down a new road that didn't seem to have an end in sight.

While I do enjoy being a mom it's truly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There are many days that I absolutely hate it and just want to give it all up. But I've never felt that way about horses. The more I learn about them I just want to learn even more. Even after having a rough ride or bad fall, I want to get right back on and try again. Horses are my passion and for a long time have been my outlet.

Now with trying to raise 3 boys I feel like I don't have anytime to be ME anymore and am loosing myself in the process. Motherhood is truly the most selfless act of service you can do since it requires so much of your time.

I am truly grateful for my mother and all that she sacrificed to raise her five kids. I don't know how she did it or if she ever felt like me, because there are many days that I truly don't like the mom that I am and feel like I'm just doing such a horrible job. Patience is not one of my fortes and I am tried with this on a daily basis. I'm sure, or at least I'm hoping, that things will get better as my boys age and I'll be allowed to have more free time to be able to discover my true self and talents once again.

But for now I guess the scale has tipped and the books will remain scattered across the floor. Hopefully with time I'll be able to start picking them up and discovering myself again....

It's Been 3 Months...

... and it's still hard.

I miss you Ben and ever since you died I feel like a part of me has been missing.

I'm grateful for the riding time we spent together on trails and at Barnabee.

You were a beautiful and fun horse to have.

I hope that someday I'll be able to have another special horsey relationship.

I will take what you've taught me and learn and grow even more.

Thank you Ben for being a part of my life!

Cute Barn

My Mom and I were driving around on Bainbridge this morning and when we drove past this cute little barn I just had to stop and take a picture. Someday when Jeff and I ever get around to building on our property this is about the size and style of barn I'd like. It looks like it could easily hold 4-6 stalls, a hay loft, main aisle, tack room, feed room and wash rack. Ahhh to dream!

Meet Micha!!

Technically I haven't even met him yet, but here is a photo of Jamie's new horse, Micha. He is 3/4 TB and 1/4 WB, 4 years old, 16.1 hands and growing. She bought him a couple of weeks ago and has started training him. She offered for me to half lease him from her once I get back into riding again in the Spring. So we shall see if it all works out. I've never ridden such a young and untrained horse before, but with Jamie doing all of the training and being able to take lessons from her for free, it seems like it would be a great deal. I just don't how its all going to work out with having 3 kids and what type of free time I'll have and how much of that I'll be able to dedicate to riding again. But what I do know is that the next horse I ride I do not want to own. It's such a commitment to own a horse and I just don't feel I can give them what they deserve, unless it's considered a pet like Jena and Cisco who we occasionally ride just for fun. So half-leasing is definitely something I'll consider and hopefully it will work out since I'd really like to be able to ride again. I've been really missing it lately but with being pregnant and knowing all that is in store for me in the future with a newborn to take care of, I'm willing to take a break for a while and get back in the saddle again once I'm able to fully commit to it.

Show Time for Cisco!

Here are some photos that Tasha passed on to me of Cisco at a horse show in August, a few weeks before we brought him home to live with Jena. He's being ridden here by on of Tasha's friends in a halter bareback walk-trot class. He's such a flashy little guy and is so mild mannered that riding bareback and without a bridle is really what he likes the best. They ended up getting 2nd place. Way to go Cisco!